Stress can be contagious. It’s a strange part of being human: our empathy makes us take on other people’s worries, so their stress starts to feel like ours.
This matters a lot when we’re helping friends. With good intentions, we can still pay a price in our own well-being. This piece will help you handle those shifts while supporting others.
5 Ways to Stay Healthy While Helping Your Friends
Whether you’re the one offering advice to an anxious friend or simply listening after a rough day, don’t forget your own mental health matters too.
1. Be realistic about how much you can give
You won’t always have the energy to support everyone, and that’s okay. We each have a limited amount of physical and mental energy. The spoon theory explains this well: imagine you start the day with 10 spoons. Each task or favor uses one. If you try to give a spoon you don’t have, you burn out. Some people have more spoons, some fewer, but the rule is the same—don’t give what you don’t have. Some days you simply won’t be able to help, and being honest about that protects your health and encourages your friend to find other support. Setting that expectation makes it easier to change how much you can offer when life gets busy.
2. Set clear boundaries with your friends
Many of us hate saying “no,” but boundaries are essential. Knowing and stating your limits prevents resentment and stops others from pushing too far. It’s okay to tell a friend:
– Their behavior worries or upsets you.
– A topic triggers you or makes you uncomfortable.
– You can’t always be available because of other commitments.
– Some issues are better handled by a counselor or psychiatrist.
If a friend slips up after you’ve set a boundary, give them the benefit of the doubt—habits don’t change overnight. But if they repeatedly ignore your limits, you may need to create distance. Your mental health matters too.
3. Build a wider support network
If a friend only talks to you, it doesn’t mean you have to be their only support. You’re a good friend for being there, but you’re not solely responsible. If they’re isolated or can’t make new connections, reach out to others in your circle—friends, family, coworkers—who can help share the load. Before sharing private details, ask your friend if it’s okay. If they don’t want certain things repeated (and it’s not a safety risk), respect their privacy.
4. Encourage friends to get professional help
Some problems are best handled by a professional. Thoughts of suicide should always be treated seriously, and other signs can mean a friend needs more than casual support. Suggest professional help if:
– They’ve had the same issues or feelings for months and nothing seems to change.
– They can’t control their emotions, have sleep changes, misuse substances, or their work or school performance drops.
– Their fears seem out of proportion to the situation (for example, fearing being fired with no evidence).
– They’re withdrawing from social life or stopping things they used to enjoy.
– They have physical symptoms—stomach aches, headaches, unexplained pain—that could be stress-related.
If you know you won’t be able to support them soon, tell them so they can start looking for a professional now.
5. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
If you notice the same warning signs in yourself, seek help too. It’s hard to be there for someone all the time without taking on stress. Don’t neglect your own needs. Make time for sleep (7–9 hours), exercise, and activities you enjoy. Staying mentally healthy makes it easier to help both yourself and the people you care about.
In conclusion
Helping others shouldn’t come at the cost of your own health. Setting boundaries, encouraging professional help, and finding support for yourself are all acts of self-care that make you a better, more sustainable friend.